A Portal. An Open Void.

The fact that I just made a blog post makes me think that I shouldn't post this one. I'll just ignore this thought for some time.

     If you see me at school, you see a happy, loud, obnoxious, care-free, guy (there could be more words, but I wouldn't want to bore you!). But once I go home, the only thing is a  quiet guy. I go home, belt out songs so I can hit the correct notes, have my voice crack when it gets to high, be a tad frustrated, then go on. After this moment passes, I find whatever there is for me to do, which for the most part is facebook, and youtube. DON'T FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS. This is a sick obsession, a disgusting life of effectively cutting myself off from everyone. Alas, it isn't a conscience decision, it just goes that way. What I'm trying to say, is when you see me, you see half of me, the side I'd rather you see. I don't want you to see a guy who's sorry for himself because he feels alone, regardless of everyone he ignores, or plain out forgets. But this is my true life. Rather, my no-life. Go home, sit on facebook until my face melts. Luckily, now I have the musical to help distract me from things. Plus, there's people there I get super excited to see (even if I don't display it). 

   And this leads me into my next point. Whilst writing the previous paragraph, I though about everything that has happened recently, things that God gave me so I could be happy. I didn't do anything for him, the only thing I did to was complain. And yet, he still gave me this stuff. This stuff being a film club, this stuff being a rather substantial part in the musical. Even with these things, however, I was still feeling my feelings of loneliness, and feeling sorry for myself. Even with the awesomeness of high-school, all the sweet stuff I get to do in high-school, I still feel pity for myself. And this is far sadder than these feelings I feel. For it's plain ignorance. It's like someone throwing you a party with all of your best friends and saying, "This is cool and all, but my problems are more important, even if they are plainly ignorant." 

     I have one final thing to say. All this pressure I get from people at school, "do football", "cut your hair, hippie", "You should be more like your brother" I don't enjoy it, and what's more, it's a waste of your time! All of these things make up who I am! God didn't make me to be someone else, he made me, me. He made you, you. So, unless I greatly value your opinion, or consult you on these matters, if you tell me everyday to do or not to do something, it won't sway me one way or another. If anything, it'll make me feel stronger about what it is I feel!

      I appreciate those of you who have read this post, and even learned something about me. To add to these things, even though I feel these things, I for some reason or another seem to be able to help with these matters, I can empathize with you, and help you through! So, come, talk to me!

     - Alex