Now I'm Dying in this Living Room

I struggle with motivation. That last sentence should have looked more like, "I struggle with... motivation" Fail three classes, and I still wasn't motivated to do the homework. (I am now passing those classes, however) I feel like I try to make up reasons for not doing stuff. Indirect stuff, mostly. I generally say it's because I feel lonely. I go home and sit on facebook for hours. I don't initiate hang-outs. Well, except for one friend. And I've been trying to get better at this.

Gosh, talk about anything and I always find a way to relate it to that special girl in my seemingly uneventful life. Or maybe it goes vice-versa.

On that note, pretty much every blog entry has been vaguely on that point. As stupid, or any other adjective, it may sound, I believe this to be the truth. Save for a couple, but my point. I have a strange passion for her. Ugh, this sounds so sappy. It's like I can't ever get my mind off of her. On the other hand, I feel like (here we go again) it actually means something that she's consuming so much of my consciousness. I say this because any other girl I have "liked" this didn't go on for this long. I always ended up liking a different girl, but now. I've liked her for two months. I consulted my friend on this. He said it may not necessarily mean anything. But, on the other hand, I've got my other friends (actually, about 4 of them) who say, "Just go for it!" And then I've got that one friend who thinks it's entirely pointless and should give up (you know who you are!)

Well, that was not-quite the blog post.

And I wanna tell her that I love her, Oh if I could  - Wild Sweet Orange

A Loose Bridge.

I never really considered myself insecure until a friend of mine pointed out my insecurity. There isn't anything I think I'm good at, and I don't think there's anything that I like about my appearance. I think I suck at singing, I think I suck at bass, I think I suck at pretty much everything. Except for writing. Writing seems to be the one thing that I'm good at. But for everything I'm good at, there's ten people that are better than me at it. I am always disappointed in what I do. Music especially. I finish, then think, "Wow, that was awful."

I don't know where this insecurity comes from. I think it may come from myself thinking that no one supports me. No one says, that was good. Sure, my parents, and those people that are older than me think I'm good at it, or at least voice it. But I need support from my peers. I need to be told that it was good. By my peers.

I feel insecure because I feel no one values my opinion. Or me. I try to say something and it's waved off, or ignored completely. I can't talk about my favorite things, because I feel people think I'm an idiot.

Oh, I'm sorry I have different interests than you, and I would like to talk about them. You know, since I sit there and listen to you. Maybe you could do the same for me? No? Oh, that's ok. I guess I'll go sulk in a corner while you learn nothing about me. Even though I already know everything about you.

I can't talk about my most recent film endeavors without getting that look of stupidity. I can't talk about writing without people thinking that it's a waste of time. They can talk about their sports, and their crazy experiences, and everything they want to say about themselves. But I don't even get a minute to say anything about myself.

Alexander Gael

My Soul Turns Slowly into a Sphere of Blackness and Utter Chaos.

For those of you who don't know, ask questions. Else, how will you ever know?

I thank God for some of the people in my life. I had a friend of mine talk with me about my woman issues. (Thank you Patrick Russel Ray!)

Today I bought a pair of purple skinny jeans while at Hot Topic. It was rather whimsical. I had no intention of buying purple skinny jeans when I walked into the store, no intention of really buying anything in fact. But, they were on clearance, so I did! I like to think myself counter-cultural. However, I think I mainly do this for attention. Subconsciously, anyways. Consciously though, it's because that's who I am, and I refuse to let anybody else teel me who I am or what I should wear, or who I should be (aside from God, of course!)

For those of you who don't know, I used to be a huge Kingdom Hearts fanatic. I am a fan again. Watching a walkthrough of Birth By Sleep made me so. It was a very intriguing story. Very confusing, and therefore, great! In this game, the keyblade war is mentioned. In the spur of this moment, I decided I was going to write a fan-fic on this fabled event. From what I've seen nobody else has, which makes it that much more awesome! Right now, all I have is the prologue, which would be better described as a forward, but you know, it is what it is. I wrote the words "Chapter 1" and drew a blank. How do you start a book about a fictional war from games rated E10+? You don't. You spend hours trying to figure out what the first sentence will be, then write from there. I'm hoping that this story will be the one that's a turning point for me. My characters will come alive, have motives of their own, and do what they want to do. The story will twist and turn on it's own, but keeping the base point which has already been depicted in Kingdom Hearts. AND THEN I WILL MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE! Just kidding about the last part. I'm hoping to imagine it as a NaNoWriMo book. Not the time limit, but the word count. I will write 5Ø,ØØØ words. If the story ends before that, I will fill in the gaps in the heart of the story. make it alive, make people feel anger, hate, love, sympathy, sadness, loss. (Which, I guess means there will be death. The book will be rated "T" for "Totally Cool and Teen.")

That looks sufficient for a blog post about a fan-fic. I guess you'll be reading about Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Wars in future blog posts. But, just as with my last book, it will probably be diverted back into a personal blog. Especially if things happen in my life that I have some control over. I need to get some guts, and be a man. Soon.

A Wraith Amongst the Black

I haven't blogged in a while. Actually not since my last blog post. I don't remember when that was. I really have nothing to blog about today, and haven't for a while. I am saddened by this. Is my creativity fleeting away. No, it definitely isn't. I know this because I have the overwhelming urge to write something, anything. Darned facebook and weak will won't allow me to do this, however. I realize it is the month of November, and during this month NaNoWriMo is occurring. I also realize that I had a book I was writing. Guess what? I'm back to 9Ø words, after writing 36Ø, about. Somehow, I failed to save my words, and no longer have the will to re-write everything I had written and continue the project. I also still need to write my own book, Pity for a Coward. The one I started long ago.

I'm not sure I understand how it is people write living characters. I feel like I am a terrible writer because of this. Everything I write I plan. My characters never surprise me, anger me, or anything. They're just a bunch of words on a page. Nothing in my stories come alive to me. I know what's happening at all times, and I understand a particular character's motive for doing something. If the story doesn't come alive for me, why would it anyone else?

That wasn't a very productive blog post, but whatever.

I am iPod. I Reign Supreme.

     I feel with this age of technology, human interaction, human relationships, the personal things are becoming impersonal. Namely, I'm talking about Social Networks; facebook, myspace, etc. I feel with these tools people are talking less, instead they're typing, "u r dum." I both love these networks, and hate them. I have a terrible time walking with people in real life, extending my social circle. I dwindle in my cocoon of comfort. I hate them because, at least I obsess over it. I stay on for a few hours, and don't interact with anyone. I've talked about this before. I'm a two week break from facebook for two reasons. Number 1: my main reason for getting on in the first place is taking a break from facebook so she can write her book for NaNoWriMo (man, I sound obsessive!), this is also my second reason. I'm only 450 words in. NaNoWriMo ends in two weeks.


     Of course, social networking isn't the only problem. Phones are another. Teens text, parents text, parents make agonizingly long phone calls. I primarily noticed this when I lived in North Carolina. My mom would be on phone calls for work that would take hours! It made me sad. She barely had any time to do anything with us.


     I figured out whyle typing this entry, why women don't particularly like me. I'm not charismatic. But, mainly, it's because women don't want guys that are women, and afraid to takes risks. They want men who will look out for them, care about them, and protect them when the need may be.


Adieu.

Amongst the Crashing Waves (Beneath the Sea)

Thank God for love. It brings many wonderful things. I write some pretty cool lyrics when I think about that type of stuff. My best lyrics, actually. It also it what keeps humanity growing. It's what people feel toward each other, and brings us all together.

Why did God create love. It's annoying. It's painful. It's confusing. Love is a thing I struggle with. It beckons my name. I sprint toward only to be shoved to the floor. Blech.

I wrote an entire song because of this feeling of love; though, the song is very abstract. I was thinking about her while I wrote it. I doubt she was thinking about me.

I debate with myself, whether or not to do what my head tells me not. - One More Second

Bussing the Poor

I haven't blogged in a while. Sorry. I've been super busy with the musical. Seriously, it's ensued my life.

So, I decided that I would blog today. As I write this I am uploading a video to YouTube. The one that we made a month ago. Unlisted.

I like hiking. I like walking. I like running. I like movement. The problem is that where I live there isn't really much to walk around. Though, I have walked around for a while with a friend of mine for a while and just chatted.

I like the idea of going somewhere. Rather, I like the idea of going in a direction, with no plans on where the endpoint will be. Moving your feet along, one foot in front of the other (and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floo-oo-oor!) I don't know why it is I enjoy this. But I know it isn't nearly as fun walking alone as it is walking with someone, even if you don't interact much, if at all!

It could be due to the fact of my enjoyment of nature. I love taking in the beauty of nature. There is nothing I enjoy more than trekking through a heavily wooded area. Well, except for filming this event!

Walking, shuffling, shimming and shammying. Running, jogging.

These are a few of my favorite things! - The Sound of Music

Universal Theorems

I figured out tonight (or at least I think I did) what the reason is that I have these talents. These talents being writing, and my talent in filmmaking. Whilst watching a short film on YouTube, I saw a comment talking about Christianity (not bashing). The idea popped into my head, "Maybe God gave you these talents for the sake of creating credible Christian films." The particular ideas were the tribulation, and Armageddon.  Maybe God wants me to take these to a larger audience, reach the unreached. Or maybe it's me getting prideful. Either way, this is something that I want to do. 

I also heard some people tonight talking about the church as a whole, and its flaws. This inspired me to make a documentary on the matter. I believe it would be a good chance to show the Americanization of church, and demonstrate how to heal this wound.

What do you guys think? Have I gone off the deep-end? Lost my marbles? Gone mad?

God is from the Pits of Hell

Excuse the title, it'll make sense once you start reading. So do just that!

Did you know that today happens to be a Tuesday. Tuesday, November 2 to be exact. Is there any significance to this particular day in history? Nope, there's nothing special about it. Except, this day (and any other day for that matter) was specifically seen by God. Every second in this day was planned by the creator.

Yesterday (November 1st!) I read a blog post by a "Christian."  He was talking about "poking fun" at Christianity. It was directly relating to a design by a band called Impending Doom. It was a "repentagram." It is a pentagram with four extra points. I had read (somewhere) that the nine points were to be interpreted as the nine fruits of the spirit. (I won't say them, for the fact that I don't know them, and I won't pretend to be a perfect Christian.)

However, this guy (I won't mention his name, though you can read the whole thing for yourself here) was saying how it was evil because the pentagram was a Satanic symbol.

For the fact that I don't know exactly what he said (and I'm terrible at quoting) I will go on to the next point that really irked me. He went on to claim how God absolutely despised metal, because "it is from the pits of Hell." Whenever anyone else tried to say otherwise, he arrogantly  went back to this, as if he himself were God.

Someone tried saying that it wasn't about the fashion in which they were worshiping, but that it was the fact that they were worshiping. How church music wasn't the only form of worship. Because, of course, it's about the heart, not the way in which you display it. The music is about the lyrics, not the way in which one goes about saying them! But, of course, he was completely arrogant and refused to listen to the voice of reason.

What do you guys have to say about the matter? Not just in metal music, but alternative forms of worship in general?

The Outsider

Don't you just hate being that guy that everyone thinks is stupid. The guy that wants to be friends with people, but that for one reason or another is refused this right. And then you try with different people, and get the same outcome? Or maybe you already have your group of friends, but you feel like you're getting slowly pushed out of their lives. Or, maybe you don't feel that way?

I think being mildly depressed makes me write better.

Well, that's the way I feel. At least, in the past two years it has. Trying to fit in is hard with a group of people that have known each other since pre-school. Yeah, since pre-school. What's worse is that my brother (I love my brother, don't get me wrong) seemed to have fit in just fine. Especially now with him have been a football player.

I hate feeling alone. I thrive off of being with people. I melt when I'm alone. When I'm alone, or feel alone. In any aspect of my life. Do you know how hard it is to be a good Christian when everybody around you (including the people that claim to be Christian) refuse to act properly. Especially with those that claim to be Christian, but you can't tell the difference between him and the next guy.

What I really hate is when I'm trying to get in with a certain croup, or person, but someone else gets in. It's like, "Oh, you're not good enough, but this guy is." Ugh, people are the worst part of everything.

Crap, my dad just interrupted me.

If you were wondering where I got all of this from, that's between me and them. Also, I guess I needed to let out all of my feelings about this thing. That I've been holding in for a while.

Would You, Could You, Should You?

I have the feeling that I'm kind of abusing my blog. Telling you to much, inadvertently asking you to feel sorry for me. I feel a lot of times that I'm revealing to much, to eager to tell people about stuff. Telling them to be happy or sad for me.

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

On Tuesday we showed the film we wrote and filmed for "film club." I heard there were about 1Ø people there. My only thought was, "No! I don't want them to see that movie! It was rushed and is terrible!" I guess I wasn't thinking of the other people that were a part of it. Maybe they thought it was good? I guess I have a pride issue. I don't want show it because it's not the best I can do. I can do way better! When people say that something I do is good, but I don't think that it's very hard I usually wave it off and say something to the effect of, "Yeah, well, it wasn't really all that hard. I don't get why your congratulating me on this simple task." When, in reality, I should just accept the compliments and keep the prideful thoughts in my head.

I don't know, what do you think?

Another Whiney Entry

*Edge of your seat "drama-esque" blog entry*

To be completely honest, I just want to ask her out/be my girlfriend, something to that effect. (Maybe that's a reason I shouldn't yet, because I'm unsure of what I "truly" want.) Ever since I found out she existed (I don't really know when that was [I'm a terrible person, I know!]) that's she's made my life stressful(?). I've been stressing out over whether I want to "make a move" or not. And in my mind, I say I will, but in reality I won't. Adding to this is the fact that she's a senior. That's made the stress up to here *motions "really high"* Or maybe not stress, but it's made me feel like an idiot. It's like my mind is saying, "You like a senior? What an idiot, just give it up!" (Then it laughs).

I'm trying to decide whether I want to publish this or not. But, since you're reading this, you know that I decided to. I don't want to post it because it seems like a really stupid thing to me. I want to post it because no one has been helpful in the matter, all that happens when I say anything on the matter I just get laughed at (go figure). So, I guess this is just a way to leave it open to anyone that is willing to help with my stupidity (for lack of a better term), to do so....

On the road again.

I decided to write my book again, since I haven't written in it in about 2 weeks. I don't what I'll do. I'll write then probably go back and flesh it out so that every chapter takes only one page. We'll see....

WHOA!

To my surprise, when I logged onto my blog this morning, I had exactly 200 views on my blog. WHOA! I never thought I would have that many, and to be completely honest, it was never the goal. Though, I am very happy about this, and I hope that people have applied some of my lessons, and I hope I do so myself! There was my 200th view blog post, I'll do a similarly, better one, at 1ØØØ!

Too Much Attention

Yesterday, while at youth group, our youth leader showed us a video. In this video a guy was saying how he felt that he had been ignoring the obvious problem in front of him. This problem being the poor people, that he had never ministered to. While watching this video, a thought popped into my head. I thought that there is too much attention being directed toward going and ministering to the poor, and weak. There is hardly any attention put toward just ministering to those around you. As I thought this, I expanded. I feel that all of the attention for bringing Christ to people is directed at the adults, and the children, but the teens are left in the dark, having to find things out for themselves. They have to do things on their own, except for youth group and FCA there's no bible study, or anything directed toward them advertised, or anything to the effect.

So, there's my thoughts, feel free to correct me if I am wrong!

Crap.

Misleading title.

Isn't amazing what things you can get into that you never thought you would? Like things you never liked before, then a second later, they're your favorite thing in the world? That happened to me today. I now love Japanese Anime, I used to think it was the stupidest thing ever. No longer.

Now, let's think in a broader span. What if things you never believed one day, you absolutely believed the next. Open mindedness can be a good thing, depending on what you are opening your mind to. Close mindedness has it's place to, as long as you don't close your mind to everything. If you open your mind to lies, then they become the truth. If you close your mind to the truth, your truth is lie. So, I guess I'm encouraging you to open your mind, start listening to people. Don't just write them off. But at the same time, keep your mind closed to lies, as I have previously stated. If you do these things, who knows what you could discover?

Not-Picnics and Secrets

This is directly related to a blog post I just read, where the last statement(?) was, "So now, tell me, what are your not-secrets?" Instead of posting a comment below the post, I decided this would be easier. So here are my Not-Secret secrets. (Directly taken from the blog post)

1. I do not enjoy rain and thunderstorms. The rain makes me wet and cold, and thunder gets me startled, not necessarily frightened. The rain makes my hair wet and pastes it to my face which is the most annoying feeling in the world (what a hyperbolae).

2. I also enjoy being the youngest (of 2). It also comes with it's share of not so great things. Being youngest gets you stuff. Literally stuff. It's more or less your parents spoil you more when you're the youngest. I've gotten to do stuff that my brother wasn't allowed to when he was my age, and loved rubbing it in his face. But, being the youngest also sucks. He got to do things that I haven't had the chance to do, even at the age he was. I feel ignored by a large amount of people. I feel like my brother is the greater one that everyone loves, and I'm just his younger brother (even though some people are unaware of this fact)

3. I've suffered with mild depression (I guess I self-diagnosed myself with that). I had moments where I didn't care about anything, I didn't want to do anything, and I cried a lot.

4. I like feminine colors for attention. Otherwise I enjoy dull colors. My favorite color is black, though I hate seeing that color on decor, etc. I prefer seeing white, which I find odd....

5. I am a fan of the Simpsons and Seinfeld. I don't enjoy anime, or animated television for the most part. I see bland, or plain stupid story-lines, with failwhale dialogue and actions.

6. I have two major problems... kind of. When I was born, I had to major problems would be a better way of putting it. Or I could say, I'm a miracle. My eyes are 40% larger than the average human's eye. By all the other cases of this birth defect, I should be blind, and yet I don't even have to wear glasses! And more so than that, when I was born I showed some serious signs of autism. Doctors said I would never ride a bike, I can ride a bike without my hands. I've got a larger vocabulary than some. Yeah, God is a crazy guy.

7. I love people. Some people know, because I hang on them (not literally, but not metaphorically either) But, some people, I try to show, but I'm scared to hang around them and looking immature and stuff so they just write me off. In other words, I suck at trying to show that I like you, I guess.

8. I don't particularly hate certain seasons, but I do hate fall and Winter in Iowa. I love fall because it's very beautiful with the numerous colors and shades of the leaves, but I hate it because it's cold, and I hate being cold, which is why I absolutely hate Winter. I don't enjoy the snow, or the cold, or wet, or anything about it. I like spring because it's pretty and a tolerable temperature. Summer is weird.

9. I hate talking on the phone, or I hate talking individually with someone, trying to converse. I fail at conversation. I usually revert to asking people questions about them (usually about bands or such)

10. I don't find much enjoyment in reading. I don't know why, I just don't like reading, I much rather be hanging out with friends, filming something, or writing, because I love writing.

11. I hate being around a large group of people I don't know. I'm quite socially awkward, so I usually stick to one area with someone I know and wait for someone else to talk to me.

12. I don't like living in Iowa. I would much rather live somewhere that there was an abundance of nature. I lived in Washington state once, and it was awesome, there were trees and trails everywhere.

13. I don't like a song because of it's lyrics, I like a song based on how the vocals sound, and generally how good the band is. I pay attention to the lyrics later (unless I can hear profanity clearly, or anything else offensive) Once I start listening to a band I'll listen to one song from that band for a long time. Then I'll get tired of it and find another band I haven't listened to in a while. I don't try very hard to find new bands...

14. Ice Skating? I quite enjoy it, I suck at it though. I find it fun to be terrible with someone. Like a friend, or something like that. Someone that will laugh with you when you trip over yourself and are laying on the ground like an idiot.

15. I enjoy picnics... I guess? I like the being outside part, but that's also the part I hate. There's bugs everywhere and they're annoying and get on your food and it's gross. But I do enjoy sitting on a nice patch of grass and hanging out with people.

So, there's my not-secret secrets.

A New Ending, An Old Dream

I always try to make my blog entry's titles dramatic. I don't know why, as it usually has nothing to do with the post itself. Oh, well.

This post has to do with writing (yay! Back to the original intent!) Though, not PITY FOR A COWARD, it's a for a script I (co)wrote with someone. However, for the week I've had it written, I had a pretty large re-draft of it today. I completely re-wrote the entire ending. Absolutely nothing from the old ending remained in the new one (except for a cliff-hanger, but that's how I end things for the most part). Without revealing to much, I changed it from a struggle, to a battle, from a sprint, to a fight scene. It'll be fun (not to choreograph)

So, that was a short entry, but it got to the point!

Rumors, and Rumors, and Rumors

As some of you may, or may not know, I am the frontman of a metal-core band called Relinquished Sight. Right now, I'm having troubles. I'm having trouble writing lyrics, and generally having trouble with the members. The drummer (Mitch McAndrew), and I are both Christians, however, our guitarist is not. He's pretty, I dunno, he just is pretty far off the beaten road. I'm having troubles with this, as the band is unofficially a Christian band. Our guitarist doesn't know this though.

The band, for me at least, was more or less to be a ministry, not necessarily to anyone who hears our music (though, that is a goal!) it was more for the non-Christian members of the band. I wanted to introduce them to this idea of God's love, sacrifice, and everything that comes along with it. I'm afraid though, that once our guitarist finds out what the lyrics truly are, that 1) he'll laugh at me, or 2) he'll quit altogether. I would rather have the first option, as without a guitarist, it's generally hard to make metal music. Sound selfish? Maybe a little. But without God centered music, how do you reach out to the unreached people of the earth? If he quits, then the idea behind the band will have failed. As I stated before, it was first and foremost a ministry to those in the band, an experiment if you will. 

This leads me into the next topic of discussion. The name Relinquished Sight. What does it mean? Well, the Bible, God, says that (excuse me for poor quoting) if your eyes lead you astray, gouge them out. Relinquished Sight means to give up sight. If your eyes are leading you to a place of evil, make yourself blind to these things so that you may focus and see what it is God wants you to do, His splendor!

And the album name. I had gone through many but apparently God wanted me to call it 777, because I haven't changed it yet! If you're into theology and sorts, then you know that 666 is the number of the beast in revelation. 6 is man's number. Man was created on the 6th day. So, logically, 777 is God's number. 7 is God's number. on the 7th day, God rested.

I'm sorry about that post being all over the place, but apparently I need to get it out. I definitely appreciate those of you that read my blog, and I'd find it awesome if you maybe even learned something from it!

My brother has a blog (apparently) and posts his pictures there, so I decided I'd do the same!

A Portal. An Open Void.

The fact that I just made a blog post makes me think that I shouldn't post this one. I'll just ignore this thought for some time.

     If you see me at school, you see a happy, loud, obnoxious, care-free, guy (there could be more words, but I wouldn't want to bore you!). But once I go home, the only thing is a  quiet guy. I go home, belt out songs so I can hit the correct notes, have my voice crack when it gets to high, be a tad frustrated, then go on. After this moment passes, I find whatever there is for me to do, which for the most part is facebook, and youtube. DON'T FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS. This is a sick obsession, a disgusting life of effectively cutting myself off from everyone. Alas, it isn't a conscience decision, it just goes that way. What I'm trying to say, is when you see me, you see half of me, the side I'd rather you see. I don't want you to see a guy who's sorry for himself because he feels alone, regardless of everyone he ignores, or plain out forgets. But this is my true life. Rather, my no-life. Go home, sit on facebook until my face melts. Luckily, now I have the musical to help distract me from things. Plus, there's people there I get super excited to see (even if I don't display it). 

   And this leads me into my next point. Whilst writing the previous paragraph, I though about everything that has happened recently, things that God gave me so I could be happy. I didn't do anything for him, the only thing I did to was complain. And yet, he still gave me this stuff. This stuff being a film club, this stuff being a rather substantial part in the musical. Even with these things, however, I was still feeling my feelings of loneliness, and feeling sorry for myself. Even with the awesomeness of high-school, all the sweet stuff I get to do in high-school, I still feel pity for myself. And this is far sadder than these feelings I feel. For it's plain ignorance. It's like someone throwing you a party with all of your best friends and saying, "This is cool and all, but my problems are more important, even if they are plainly ignorant." 

     I have one final thing to say. All this pressure I get from people at school, "do football", "cut your hair, hippie", "You should be more like your brother" I don't enjoy it, and what's more, it's a waste of your time! All of these things make up who I am! God didn't make me to be someone else, he made me, me. He made you, you. So, unless I greatly value your opinion, or consult you on these matters, if you tell me everyday to do or not to do something, it won't sway me one way or another. If anything, it'll make me feel stronger about what it is I feel!

      I appreciate those of you who have read this post, and even learned something about me. To add to these things, even though I feel these things, I for some reason or another seem to be able to help with these matters, I can empathize with you, and help you through! So, come, talk to me!

     - Alex

It's Kinda Funny...

I find it funny that I initially intended this blog to be for my books, films, etc., but instead, (with this blog post) it's turning into my life blog. Like a blog should be!

     How is it to turn into this, you ask? Well, it's starts with me talking to myself over this blog post. Let's go.

     So basically, I don't know anymore. Maybe that's a little over-dramatic, maybe even a lie. Either way, I still don't know why I said that. I guess that proves that statement true? My original intent was to talk about something, but I guess I'll just put that in a new paragraph.

     You know what sucks? Liking a senior girl *pause for laughs, snickers, and giggles* I know it's a generally stupid idea, but I can't just ignore what my mind tells me. (I avoid cliches like "my heart") But you know what rocks? Dancing with this girl at homecoming. What sucks even worse, being somewhat socially awkward. I can't move forward from that point because unless I'm super comfortable around you, I'm a quiet, break-no-rules guy. What sucks even worse is being socially awkward around the opposite gender no matter how comfortable I am around you. ggrrrr.

     I don't what I was hoping to accomplish in this blog post, maybe informing her of my feelings? I'm contemplating even posting this right now. So, in otherwords, I decided "heck, who cares, I've told pretty much half the school by this point anyhow" or something to that effect.

Pity For A Coward

I have begun writing a book which I have tentatively entitled Pity For A Coward. I'm quite excited to be taking on this project. It is unlike work I have done before, more detail oriented, more vocabulary oriented. Again, I'm quite excited! It takes place in Enumclaw, WA, and also in a totally different "world." I won't give out anymore information, as not to spoil the book, and also since this is all subject to change!