Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Bye.
I'm getting rid of this blog. I don't do anything on it, now that I'm on tumblr. There wasn't really much of a purpose for this blog, except to vent anyhow. If you do want to keep up with me, check out my tumblr.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
formspring.me
Hello, I.T. Have you tried turning it off and on again? http://www.formspring.me/zombifiedking
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Gentle Note Of Other Days
I haven't been on this blog for a while. Sorry. This will also probably be the last post for a while, as I'm on Tumblr now, and I post more tidbits, and brief statements, and not whole coherent paragraphs on what is happening in my life.
I think the biggest reason I made this blog, such a long time ago, was for attention. I was depressed, and I wanted people to come around me and share in my pity. But, now I'm a very happy individual. Everything that matters seems to be going for me. Now, I'm not saying everything is perfect, and I'm without stresses, or pains. But, I can't think of any right now, which is more than delightful, after the past two years of my life.
Recently, a friend of mine was baptized. Before this, for many years he had been an avid Atheist. He was THE "resident Atheist". And he made the choice to give his life to Christ.
And, now, I'm trailing off. I'm going to leave it at that. I wish I could blog more, but I don't have the patience. Maybe one day.
I think the biggest reason I made this blog, such a long time ago, was for attention. I was depressed, and I wanted people to come around me and share in my pity. But, now I'm a very happy individual. Everything that matters seems to be going for me. Now, I'm not saying everything is perfect, and I'm without stresses, or pains. But, I can't think of any right now, which is more than delightful, after the past two years of my life.
Recently, a friend of mine was baptized. Before this, for many years he had been an avid Atheist. He was THE "resident Atheist". And he made the choice to give his life to Christ.
And, now, I'm trailing off. I'm going to leave it at that. I wish I could blog more, but I don't have the patience. Maybe one day.
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Tides Are Turning, and the Moon is Slowing
I think today was my best day at school so far. We've been in for a week, and I'm now beginning to re-emerge to the public. If you don't know exactly what that means, I'll tell you. Every time we move, I become shy, because of the new environment. But, after a while I get friends who I can be myself around. I'm crazy, I'm calm. I talk about music, we don't have conversations. Then, BOOM. We've moved again, and I have to re-adjust. This in-and-of itself is daunting. I have learn people, figure out what makes them laugh, what they like, what they hate, what makes them tick, how to cheer them up, how to fit in. I lived in Iowa for four years, and I had learned all that about everyone I knew. If I wanted to bug them, I knew what to say, if I wanted to have a mature conversation, I knew what to do. We moved again. After four years with the same people, it's hard. Especially with the number, and magnitude I knew people. I knew many people, intimately. We were close friends, i could share deep secrets with some, and laughs with others. But, now I know nobody. With the way my classes work at school, I'm not around the same people enough to be able to learn them. I've learned a few things about a couple people, and I'm beginning to break out of my cocoon. I'm starting to be the weird, creepy guy I used to be. The aptly named "Cheeser" who's always smiling, and always laughing. I'm beginning to make friends. I'm finding people to eat lunch with (as of today, I have sat with people at lunch, instead of sitting alone). I'm finding people with similar interests as me, slowly, but surely. I'm finding friends, and learning how to make people laugh. I'm learning how these people work. I'm looking past their Southern accents (as hard as it may be for me, no offense to any of you with these accents), and looking on the inside, at what matters. I'm becoming less narrow in my views of who can be my friends, my qualifications for a friend. I'm still trying to find people to hang out with, but that will come with time. I'm trying to find people to make films with, start a band with (which is going pretty good, I dare say), but I'm waiting patiently. And the best part? Two months ago, I had depression. It was so bad, I had to be on pills. I got over it, by saying I was done with it. I got over my depression, by getting over it. I realized what was making me depressed, so so small in comparison to everything else happening. The tiny sad things out weighed the huge good things happening in my life. And this all leads me to who I am right now.
Alex "Cheeser" Gael, fun loving filmmaker and aspiring musician. Living to bring joy to others, and spread the love of the Father. Living every day, without sadness. Becoming a positive influence, becoming who I was made to be, not who I had become. I am becoming myself.
Alex "Cheeser" Gael, fun loving filmmaker and aspiring musician. Living to bring joy to others, and spread the love of the Father. Living every day, without sadness. Becoming a positive influence, becoming who I was made to be, not who I had become. I am becoming myself.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What the F***?
Thank you, God, for giving me this voice to do nothing with except piss people off, and frustrate myself. Thanks for giving me a voice that isn't good in any setting, Choral, or otherwise. Because of this, I won't ever be able to sing my own songs, I'll never be able to sing to my (future) girlfriend. I'll always look back at my life and be angry that I didn't get to do the one thing I was most passionate about. Singing.
I hate hearing the stupid, "You're only 15 years old." You know what? There are a plethora of 15 year-old out there who can sing well. Mitch McAndrew can sing better than me, Mitchell Stevens can sing better than me, Kyle Langhurst can sing better than me, half the 15-year-olds on YouTube can sing better than me.
I should not have to exceed 300+ dB to hit a C. I should not have to watch my covers, and laugh at myself and how terribly I sing. I should not get rude comments about how crappy my singing is, when I've practiced it every day for three years. It should be at least okay.
And you know what? I won't ever accept this. Never. I will keep on trying, and I will keep swearing at myself when I try to sing songs. I'll continue to cringe whenever I hear myself in choir, continue to be embarrassed with every note I "sing"
I can't get vocal lessons, to even try to begin to sound any good. Not that it would matter, because no matter how many I had, I would still suck. I don't want to have to sing notes so low, they're inaudible. But you stuck me with this, and I'm furious. You gave me a passion for singing, and didn't give me the tools necessary to do it. I don't want to scream. Sure, it's kinda fun, but it's not what i want to do. I want to sing my own lyrics, not have others repeat the words.
So, that's it. I quit. I'm not going to open my mouth again.
I hate hearing the stupid, "You're only 15 years old." You know what? There are a plethora of 15 year-old out there who can sing well. Mitch McAndrew can sing better than me, Mitchell Stevens can sing better than me, Kyle Langhurst can sing better than me, half the 15-year-olds on YouTube can sing better than me.
I should not have to exceed 300+ dB to hit a C. I should not have to watch my covers, and laugh at myself and how terribly I sing. I should not get rude comments about how crappy my singing is, when I've practiced it every day for three years. It should be at least okay.
And you know what? I won't ever accept this. Never. I will keep on trying, and I will keep swearing at myself when I try to sing songs. I'll continue to cringe whenever I hear myself in choir, continue to be embarrassed with every note I "sing"
I can't get vocal lessons, to even try to begin to sound any good. Not that it would matter, because no matter how many I had, I would still suck. I don't want to have to sing notes so low, they're inaudible. But you stuck me with this, and I'm furious. You gave me a passion for singing, and didn't give me the tools necessary to do it. I don't want to scream. Sure, it's kinda fun, but it's not what i want to do. I want to sing my own lyrics, not have others repeat the words.
So, that's it. I quit. I'm not going to open my mouth again.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Looks Fragile After All
Three lives lost in six months. So many, amongst so few. It's hard to think what exactly was going through these three teen's heads when they made the choice to end it all. The strangest part of it all, is the last two were so full of life. There was no sign of depression, or suicidal thoughts. It's confusing. Why did they choose to take their own lives? Why have so many chosen this? Amongst such a small community, it's hard.
I knew all three of the boys whom killed themselves. The first one, I had seen once about three years ago, at an FLL practice. The second, I had met and hung out with at one football game in the fall. He was fun, loving, and lively. He seemed to enjoy life. Of the three, he was the one that made me hurt the most. The third I had gone to school with for two years, before I switched to Lisbon. I didn't know him very well, as he was part of the sports crowd. While I went t school with him, I didn't like him much. As I matured as a person, I grew to like him quite a bit.
It's sad to see this many take their own lives, especially in such a short amount of time. It was only six months since the first suicide, and one month since the second. They are happening at an alarming rate, and the school is starting to fall apart. People are starting to lose themselves. It's taken a toll on everyone.
Not many I knew were affected by the first suicide. His family, some friends. Mostly the Sophomore class. The second hit home. Pretty much the entirety of the Freshman class at Mount Vernon was hurt by it, and many of the eighth graders, as well. The third has affected a different crowd. Most unsettlingly, it has affected some of my close friends here, at Lisbon. It's scary to this many people crying at my school.
Some good came out of it. Finally, after three suicides, our school decided to talk to each grade about suicide. Teachers and staff opened their doors to anyone who needed to talk. During English, we discussed it, but about 15 minutes before class was over, our teacher knew we couldn't stay inside and talk about it. She took our entire class outside, and for the next ten minutes people ran around, played frisbee, and a few of us sat in the grass and talked.
Our group in the grass talked about how the last time they had seen the Nathan (the latest suicide), he seemed so happy, full of life. They talked about how apparently he had been planning a ski trip for some guys in his class, and how he was stoked for it. People are confused. My teacher had me talk to our small group about my (minor) depression. (You've all seen it on this blog. My blog is where I go to let out. It's how I tell people how I feel) I wasn't crying, or anything, but people comforted me. It confuses me how people can comfort me, when I know they are hurting more than me.
I conclusion... I don't know what to say. It's going to be nice to move, and get a fresh start. It'll be great.
I knew all three of the boys whom killed themselves. The first one, I had seen once about three years ago, at an FLL practice. The second, I had met and hung out with at one football game in the fall. He was fun, loving, and lively. He seemed to enjoy life. Of the three, he was the one that made me hurt the most. The third I had gone to school with for two years, before I switched to Lisbon. I didn't know him very well, as he was part of the sports crowd. While I went t school with him, I didn't like him much. As I matured as a person, I grew to like him quite a bit.
It's sad to see this many take their own lives, especially in such a short amount of time. It was only six months since the first suicide, and one month since the second. They are happening at an alarming rate, and the school is starting to fall apart. People are starting to lose themselves. It's taken a toll on everyone.
Not many I knew were affected by the first suicide. His family, some friends. Mostly the Sophomore class. The second hit home. Pretty much the entirety of the Freshman class at Mount Vernon was hurt by it, and many of the eighth graders, as well. The third has affected a different crowd. Most unsettlingly, it has affected some of my close friends here, at Lisbon. It's scary to this many people crying at my school.
Some good came out of it. Finally, after three suicides, our school decided to talk to each grade about suicide. Teachers and staff opened their doors to anyone who needed to talk. During English, we discussed it, but about 15 minutes before class was over, our teacher knew we couldn't stay inside and talk about it. She took our entire class outside, and for the next ten minutes people ran around, played frisbee, and a few of us sat in the grass and talked.
Our group in the grass talked about how the last time they had seen the Nathan (the latest suicide), he seemed so happy, full of life. They talked about how apparently he had been planning a ski trip for some guys in his class, and how he was stoked for it. People are confused. My teacher had me talk to our small group about my (minor) depression. (You've all seen it on this blog. My blog is where I go to let out. It's how I tell people how I feel) I wasn't crying, or anything, but people comforted me. It confuses me how people can comfort me, when I know they are hurting more than me.
I conclusion... I don't know what to say. It's going to be nice to move, and get a fresh start. It'll be great.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Tumblr
I got a tumblr yesterday. It's pretty cool. I'll be posting a lot more spontaneous things there, so you get the other side of me.
Check it out at Hopes of Hope
or: http://cheeser.tumblr.com
Check it out at Hopes of Hope
or: http://cheeser.tumblr.com
The Deterioration of Permanent Things
Society has deteriorated. We like to laugh at other people's pain, we don't understand what true love is any more. We've abandoned Chivalry.
You can't talk about Chivalry without talking about feminists. Now, I have nothing against feminists, and I understand why they feel the way they do. Sometimes, though, when you try to be respectful to them (as a man) they make it extremely difficult. They feel like you're treating them lesser, because they're a woman.
It doesn't mean you should give up on being respectful of women. There are so many selfish men, and it makes me sad. They want a girl purely for sex, there's no emotional attachment. When the guy is done with her, he leaves her a wreck, broken.
I challenge you as a guy, to continue chivalry. And you, as a woman, to stop being so uptight about guys trying to help, and being respectful. Because that's exactly what it is.
You can't talk about Chivalry without talking about feminists. Now, I have nothing against feminists, and I understand why they feel the way they do. Sometimes, though, when you try to be respectful to them (as a man) they make it extremely difficult. They feel like you're treating them lesser, because they're a woman.
It doesn't mean you should give up on being respectful of women. There are so many selfish men, and it makes me sad. They want a girl purely for sex, there's no emotional attachment. When the guy is done with her, he leaves her a wreck, broken.
I challenge you as a guy, to continue chivalry. And you, as a woman, to stop being so uptight about guys trying to help, and being respectful. Because that's exactly what it is.
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