I think today was my best day at school so far. We've been in for a week, and I'm now beginning to re-emerge to the public. If you don't know exactly what that means, I'll tell you. Every time we move, I become shy, because of the new environment. But, after a while I get friends who I can be myself around. I'm crazy, I'm calm. I talk about music, we don't have conversations. Then, BOOM. We've moved again, and I have to re-adjust. This in-and-of itself is daunting. I have learn people, figure out what makes them laugh, what they like, what they hate, what makes them tick, how to cheer them up, how to fit in. I lived in Iowa for four years, and I had learned all that about everyone I knew. If I wanted to bug them, I knew what to say, if I wanted to have a mature conversation, I knew what to do. We moved again. After four years with the same people, it's hard. Especially with the number, and magnitude I knew people. I knew many people, intimately. We were close friends, i could share deep secrets with some, and laughs with others. But, now I know nobody. With the way my classes work at school, I'm not around the same people enough to be able to learn them. I've learned a few things about a couple people, and I'm beginning to break out of my cocoon. I'm starting to be the weird, creepy guy I used to be. The aptly named "Cheeser" who's always smiling, and always laughing. I'm beginning to make friends. I'm finding people to eat lunch with (as of today, I have sat with people at lunch, instead of sitting alone). I'm finding people with similar interests as me, slowly, but surely. I'm finding friends, and learning how to make people laugh. I'm learning how these people work. I'm looking past their Southern accents (as hard as it may be for me, no offense to any of you with these accents), and looking on the inside, at what matters. I'm becoming less narrow in my views of who can be my friends, my qualifications for a friend. I'm still trying to find people to hang out with, but that will come with time. I'm trying to find people to make films with, start a band with (which is going pretty good, I dare say), but I'm waiting patiently. And the best part? Two months ago, I had depression. It was so bad, I had to be on pills. I got over it, by saying I was done with it. I got over my depression, by getting over it. I realized what was making me depressed, so so small in comparison to everything else happening. The tiny sad things out weighed the huge good things happening in my life. And this all leads me to who I am right now.
Alex "Cheeser" Gael, fun loving filmmaker and aspiring musician. Living to bring joy to others, and spread the love of the Father. Living every day, without sadness. Becoming a positive influence, becoming who I was made to be, not who I had become. I am becoming myself.
